FAQ's about Nonviolent communication
Frequently Asked Questions About
Nonviolent Communication
and Our Training Courses
How do you get in touch with what you need ? How do you honestly express yourself and stay open to the other person? On this page you’ll find your answers to questions about Nonviolent communication, the application of it in daily life and the training sessions of Equanimity. Based on the answers you can continue reading in our articles or go to the relevant training page .
Questions about Nonviolent Communication
Below you’ll find answers to some common, general questions about Nonviolent Communication. Further down on this page, you’ll find more detailed questions and answers about the elements and processes of Nonviolent Communication.
What is Nonviolent Communication?
Nonviolent Communication helps you to get in touch with your own feelings and needs and with those of others. You practice listening and speaking based on what important to you, rather than based on judgments and reproaches. The intention is connection: with yourself and with the other. From there, you can look for ways to take into account what both of you need have.
Read more about what Nonviolent Communication is.
What are the four steps of Nonviolent Communication?
The model of Nonviolent Communication consists of four elements: observation, feeling, need, and request. What specifically do you see or hear? How does that make you feel? What need lies beneath that? And what do you want to ask yourself or someone else? These elements help you gain clarity on what’s going on. They are a tool for connection, not a fixed sequence that you must follow in every conversation.
Learn more about applying the four elements in everyday speech.
How does Nonviolent Communication work?
On the one hand, the Nonviolent Communication model serves as a practical tool for connecting with yourself, enabling you to express yourself clearly and honestly or to listen to others without judgment. At the same time, the philosophy behind Nonviolent Communication offers a new perspective on yourself and the world. You examine how you view the situations you encounter, why you react the way you do, and what you truly need. The model is relatively simple; applying it in daily life requires practice, self-inquiry, and the courage to stand up for your own needs.
Read more about the philosophy of Nonviolent Communication.
What is the difference between Nonviolent Communication and Connecting Communication?
The names refer to the same body of thought. NVC stands for Nonviolent Communication and was developed by the American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. Connecting Communication emphasizes how we connect with our our own and others’ feelings and needs. Nonviolent Communication refers also to the tradition of nonviolence from which the body of thought emerged.
Read more about Nonviolent / Connective Communication.
What does ‘nonviolent’ mean in Nonviolent Communication?
Nonviolence goes beyond simply the avoidance of physical or verbal aggression. It refers to an attitude toward life characterized by compassion and care for yourself, others, and the world. Marshall Rosenberg was inspired by the tradition of nonviolence (Ahimsa) of Gandhi and Dr. King: standing up for what is important, without the humanity of the other out of the picture to lose sight of.
Read more about Nonviolence (Ahimsa) in Nonviolent Communication.
What is an example of Nonviolent Communication?
“You’re always late” is a judgment. You could also say: “We agreed to meet at 8:00, and you arrived at 8:30. I felt nervous because clarity is important to me. Would you mind sending me a message next time if you’re going to be late?” You describe what happened (observation), how it makes you feel (feeling), and why (need), and make a specific request. Your tone and your sincere willingness to listen to the other person also matter.
Learn more about Applying Nonviolent Communication in Everyday Life.
Can you also set boundaries using Nonviolent Communication?
Yes. Nonviolent Communication is also about actively setting setting boundaries and being clear about what is important to you. You don’t have to always connect with everyone. Sometimes it is necessary to say: “This far” and “no further”. Understanding for the other person doesn’t mean that you accept everything. Your safety, peace of mind, and autonomy also matter.
Learn more about self-connection, boundaries and core beliefs in our training sessions.
How do you deal with anger within Nonviolent Communication?
Anger can give valuable information about what is important to you. Instead of swallowing your anger or spitting it out, you can explore what is triggering your a23> affects and which needs require attention need. Perhaps it’s about recognition, freedom, harmony, or peace. The more contact you have with it, the clearer you can express what you need from a place of self-connection.
Read more about dealing with anger and irritation.
How do you give feedback using Nonviolent Communication?
Feedback based on Nonviolent Communication focuses on communicating clearly and listening with interest, paying attention to both the person giving feedback and the person receiving it. The basic principle is not to judge or try to change one another, but to clarify values and needs and to learn from one another.
Learn more about our feedback training based on Nonviolent Communication.
Do you always have to speak according to the four steps?
No. The four elements help you to understand what is going on is happening and to learn the model to understand. In your daily life, look for you words that sound natural to you and the person you’re talking to. You don’t have to always say “I feel… because I need … … ” all the time. The intention is connection, not to “do it right” according to the booklet.
Read more about Street Giraffe: Nonviolent Communication in everyday spoken language.
Can I use Nonviolent Communication if the other person isn't familiar with it?
Yes. You can yourself practice listening differently and you can speak more clearly. For example, by looking beyond a reproach to find what is the a18> the other important thing, or by telling what you need have without the other person the blame to give. For that you don’t need your conversation partner to know the model not. Use words that suit both of you and keep in in mind that a connection cannot be forced is.
Read more about Nonviolent Communication in the real world.
Questions about our open GC training sessions
How is the learning program Nonviolent Communication structured?
You start with the introductory training: an introductory day and a follow-up day that together make up Module 1. After that, you can take four in-depth two-day modules take, either separately or as part of a year-long training program. In addition, we offer theme days and a training course Parenting in connection. Equanimity works closely together with EmpaTilya.
View the complete learning program Connective Communication.
Which training can I start with if I have no experience?
The introductory training is open to everyone and requires no prior training. You’ll be introduced to Marshall Rosenberg’s model and will primarily engage in practical exercises and everyday examples. You’ll explore what’s important to you, how to share this honestly, and how to listen so that others feel heard. The introductory day and follow-up day together form the foundation for the in-depth modules.
Learn more about the introductory training course on Nonviolent / Compassionate Communication.
What do you learn in the in-depth modules?
Module 2 focuses on empathetic listening and dialogue. Module 3 focuses on self-connection, boundaries, and core beliefs. Module 4 centers on honest expression, with a focus on feedback, strength, and vulnerability. Module 5 focuses on integration and transformation, including enemy images and letting go of demands. In each module, you’ll work with situations that the participants themselves bring up.
Learn more about the content of the in-depth modules.
Can I take individual modules, or do I have to complete the entire year-long training?
The in-depth modules can be taken separately or together as an annual training program can be taken. The year-long training program consists of four two-day in-depth modules, eight training days in total, following the introductory training. The training sessions are taught by Suzanne Nederlof and/or Boris Nauta in Amsterdam and Wageningen. For each module, certain requirements apply regarding your prior training experience.
View the annual training program and participation requirements.
Can I participate if I completed my basic training elsewhere?
Yes. A two-day introductory training course offered by another provider can also provide access to the advanced modules. For later modules, more experience is required. On the training page you’ll find which modules or how many training days you need to complete. If you’re unsure whether your experience is a good fit, then please contact us to see see where you can best join the program.
Read more about enrollment in the in-depth training courses.
What is the difference between an in-depth module and a thematic day?
In the two-day modules, you will continue to develop your skills in Nonviolent Communication. During a theme day, you’ll delve deeper into one topic, such as Saying No and Receiving, Anger, Shame or Dealing with dilemmas. The theme days are intended for participants with at least two days of training experience and are held in Amsterdam and Wageningen.
Where do the training sessions take place, and how much do they cost?
Equanimity’s introductory training sessions take place in IJburg, Amsterdam. The in-depth modules and theme days are offered in Amsterdam and Wageningen. The location, dates, and costs are listed for each training session. For various training sessions, we offer different price tiers for participants on a limited budget, regular participants, and corporate participants.
View the training offerings and go to the relevant training session for dates and prices.
Questions about our corporate NVC training sessions
Is Nonviolent Communication suitable for teams and the workplace?
Yes. In the workplace, you can use Nonviolent Communication when working together, giving feedback, peer review, disagreements and the making of agreements. You practice speaking clearly about what is happening and what is important, as well as listening to other perspectives. In our team training sessions, we work with examples from your day-to-day practice.
Read more about Nonviolent communication at work.
Is there Nonviolent Communication training for doctors and paramedics?
Yes. Boris Nauta and Elles Bindels are offering a two-day training course on Nonviolent Communication for (para)medical professionals. How do you stay connected with yourself, your colleagues, and patients or clients? How do you handle conflicting interests and set your boundaries? You practice using examples from your own practice, with attention on self-connection, empathic listening, clarity, and good alignment.
Read more about Nonviolent Communication for (para)medical professionals.
Is the training for healthcare professionals accredited?
Yes. The training is accredited by various professional associations in the Netherlands, including KNMG/ABAN. Which accreditation and how many credits apply vary by professional group. You are welcome if you are first first get acquainted with Nonviolent Communication and also if you previous experience you want to refresh or deepen with colleagues. The training requires a prior education as a (para)medical professional.
View the accreditations and participation requirements for Healthcare professionals.
Is there an SKJ-accredited Nonviolent Communication training course?
Yes. The two-day training course on Connective Communication for youth and family professionals is SKJ-accredited in the Netherlands for 16 points in the category of Formal Learning. Mae Heffelaar and Boris Nauta lead this training. You will practice communication with children, teens, parents, and colleagues, including when dealing with resistance, conflicts, and emotionally charged situations.
Read more about the SKJ-accredited training for youth and family professionals.
What is the difference compared to Connecting Authority / Nonviolent Resistance?
Nonviolent Resistance is an educational approach in which parents and caregivers work on their presence and actions in response to unacceptable behavior. Nonviolent Communication is more broadly applicable and is about connecting with yourself, honestly expressing yourself and empathically listening. In our training for youth and family professionals, the focus is on your professional communication is central: with parents, children, youth, and colleagues.
Read more about Nonviolent Resistance and Nonviolent Communication.
What does Equanimity offer performing arts professionals?
For professionals in theater, dance, and music, we offer open training sessions and team training sessions that are tailored to your needs. How do you express yourself during a rehearsal process? How do you convey yourself as a performer to what you need ? How do you create space for different voices, even when tension or conflict arises? As the preferred supplier of the Dutch Association for Performing Arts, Equanimity offers a discount program for Dutch NAPK members.
Read more about Nonviolent communication for the performing arts
Can the training sessions also be conducted in-house?
Yes. We provide training sessions that are tailored for teams and organizations. We tailor the program to your work context, questions, and case studies. Also the program for healthcare professionals, youth and family professionals, and the performing arts can be offered in-company. This way you practice with conversations and situations that you encounter in your own work. a34> own work you’ll encounter.
Read more about Nonviolent Communication for teams and organizations.
Concepts from Nonviolent communication
What is the difference between an observation and an interpretation?
An observation describes what you actually see or hear, as if through the lens of a camera. An interpretation is the meaning you assign to it. “There are clothes on the floor in the bathroom” is a perception. “You’re making a mess” contains a judgment. If you start with a judgment, the other person may hear your message as criticism. Descriptive language helps clarify which event you want to talk about.
Read more about judgments, interpretations, and the way we listen.
Does observing without judgment mean you aren't allowed to have an opinion?
You always have opinions and judgments. The exercise is to become aware of them and not to confuse them with the truth. What you consider normal, reasonable, or logical may not be so for someone else. You can examine what your judgment says about your own needs and then choose how you want to express yourself. Above all, don’t judge your own judgments.
Read more about the four ways of listening in Nonviolent Communication.
What are quasi-feelings?
Quasi-feelings are thoughts disguised as feelings. “I feel ignored,” for example, says something about what you think the other person is doing. Underneath that, you may feel sadness, insecurity, or irritation, because connection or involvement is important to you. By making that distinction, you can express more clearly what you’re feeling. You shift from “I feel this way because you…” to “I feel this way because I…”.
Read more about quasi-feelings and quasi-emotions.
What is the difference between a need and a strategy?
Needs are about what we consider important, such as safety, connection, autonomy, or support. A strategy is a concrete way to fulfill a need. “I have a need for a massage” already contains a strategy. Underlying this may be a need for relaxation or touch. When you recognize the need, there is more space to explore different ways to fulfill that need.
Read more about needs, strategies and requests.
Do you always have to meet the other person's needs?
No. Needs want to be acknowledged and can’t always be met right away. You can understand that someone needs companionship while at the same time needing peace and quiet or time alone. Listening empathically doesn’t mean you have to take action. By acknowledging the validity of both needs, you can explore what’s possible without setting your own needs aside.
Read more about taking everyone’s needs into account.
What is the difference between a request and a demand?
When making a request, you want the other person to contribute voluntarily, without pressure stemming from fear, shame, guilt, or a sense of duty. The difference often becomes clear when you hear “no.” Can you remain curious about what the other person is thinking, or do you still try to get your way? Even a politely phrased question can be a demand. A request leaves room for a conversation or a counterproposal.
Learn more about making requests and getting a “no”.
How do you make a clear request?
The SPAN mnemonic can help: Specific, Positive, Actionable, and “No” is OK. You state as precisely as possible what you do want and ask for something the other person can actually do. “Can you send me a message if you’re running late?” is clearer and more actionable than “Could you please be on time from now on?” A concrete request also makes it easier for the other person to come up with a concrete, workable counterproposal.
Learn more about how to make requests.
What is the difference between a connection request and an action request?
A request for connection is a way to seek contact, understanding, or clarity. For example: “How does this make you feel?” or “Would you like to tell me what you heard me say?” A request for action is a concrete proposal: “Are you willing to call me tomorrow at nine o’clock?” Sometimes you need to establish a connection first before you can work together to find a solution. For many people, it helps to feel heard first.
Learn more about connection requests and action requests.
What is empathic listening?
When practicing empathic listening, you try to be fully present—with your full attention—to what the other person is experiencing. You temporarily set aside your own ideas, judgments, and solutions, without losing touch with yourself. You listen to the feelings and needs behind the other person’s words. That doesn’t mean you know what the other person needs: you remain curious and carefully check to see if you understand them correctly.
Read more about empathic listening: presence, intention, and attention.
About Equanimity
What is Equanimity?
Equanimity is the training agency that Boris Naut founded in 2021. Together with a network of trainers with diverse professional backgrounds, Equanimity offers training courses to for individuals, teams, and organizations. Nonviolent Communication, mindfulness, and emotional, social and system intelligence form the foundation of our programs.
Read more about Equanimity.
Who is Boris Nauta and is he a certified NVC-trainer?
Boris Nauta is the founder of Equanimity and a trainer in Nonviolent Communication and Mindfulness. After two decades in television, design, and digital advertising, he founded Equanimity in 2021. Since 2024, he has been internationally certified as a trainer by the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC), the organization that Marshall Rosenberg founded.
Read more about Boris Nauta and his background.
Want to practice Nonviolent Communication yourself?
In our training sessions, you will work with situations from your own life or work. You will practice recognizing what you feel and need, expressing this honestly, and listening attentively to others. Check out the learning program or contact Boris if you want to discuss which training is right for you.
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