Within Nonviolent Communication, reference is frequently made to ‘domination systems’ and how these systems influence our actions and thoughts. But what are domination systems exactly, and where does the term actually come from?
What is ‘normal’?
The way we think about ourselves and each other is influenced by what we consider ‘normal’. ‘Normal’ means ‘according to the norm’, and we derive this norm by looking at one another. We consider ‘normal’ to be what most people do, and ‘abnormal’ is anything that deviates from that in one way or another. Abnormal is not necessarily something bad; some deviations are nothing to be ashamed of, just a bit strange or even funny. However, ‘abnormal’ can also be the cause of mean jokes, insults, threats, and even violence.
‘Normal’ is also a matter of making agreements. Groups of people establish norms so they can live together safely and efficiently. It will not surprise you that those with the most prestige and power have a significant say in this. For example, between 1700 and 1800, people liked to dress according to the fashion of the then-powerful French. Wearing a large curly wig was seen as the pinnacle of power and status. The reason for this was quite simple: King Louis XIV of France wore a wig because he was trying to hide his baldness, and all the nobles looked to him and imitated him. This led to everyone who wanted to be someone in Europe wearing a wig at some point. What is normal changes over time and across cultures. Nowadays, you have to be careful not to get beaten up if you walk down the street wearing a curly wig.
In his book “Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind”, historian Yuval Noah Harari describes the emergence of the current modern world from the beginning of humanity. His work shows how, throughout the decades, our way of thinking is repeatedly molded to the interests of those in charge. Those who are able to determine what is “normal” by making others believe—through soft or hard power—that some people are worth more than others, are the ones calling the shots (more about this in this post). New York Times columnist Anand Giridharadas clearly explains that this is no different in the present day in his recent book ‘Winners Take All’.
How domination systems influence our thinking
What is a ‘freedom fighter’ to one person is a ‘terrorist’ to another, and what is ‘a refugee’ to one is ‘an opportunist’ to another. If you have received a tax allowance unjustly, you are a ‘fraudster’, but if you avoid millions in taxes, you are a ‘clever entrepreneur’. According to Marshall Rosenberg, our tendency to compare, label, and judge people is, as it were, impregnated in our thinking, our language, and our upbringing. He refers to the theologian Walter Wink, who argued in his groundbreaking books on power that within the domination systems in which we grow up (such as education, religion, economy, justice, politics), we are taught to think in a way that supports the domination systems rather than questioning them.
We learn to look at each other in a binary way, where some people come out as ‘good’ and others as ‘bad’. The ‘good’ people are rewarded, and the ‘bad’ people are punished. We can even enjoy it when the bad ones get ‘what they deserve’ if they do not meet the norm. This binary thinking is the first step in the process of dehumanization that makes social inequality and the use of violence against individuals or groups possible. History books and newspapers are full of the terrible consequences this way of thinking can have.
Nonviolent Communication and social change
Nonviolent Communication makes you aware of the language we have learned and with which we tell ourselves stories about how we and others ought to be. Nonviolent Communication offers an alternative that shifts the focus from what we think (our thoughts and judgments) to what is important to us (our needs). This mental switch offers freedom of choice and helps you deal with feelings of anger, guilt, and shame. Nonviolent Communication can also be a powerful source of inspiration for those who want to think about how we can shape the systems in the world differently.
Rosenberg contrasts the dominance system with the life-serving system. A life-serving system takes as its starting point that we are all human beings who are of equal value and share the same core needs. A life-serving system makes life more pleasant for everyone, not just for those with the most power, money, or the loudest voice.