I recently attended a meditation retreat led by Riët Aarsse and Simin Abravesh from Simsara, based on the principles of Insight Dialogue. It was somewhat coincidental, as it was the only retreat that fell exactly on my rare free weekend. I wanted to recover from a period of COVID-19 home isolation with children during a busy work week. Unexpectedly, the worlds of Mindfulness and Nonviolent communication came together beautifully for me that weekend.
Insight Dialogue
Mindfulness meditation is, for me, often an individual matter focused on my own personal development and well-being. It helps me to detach from everyday life for a moment and to become less vulnerable to the words and actions of others. It is a kind of retreat into a safe bubble. The busyness of family and work, but also difficult problems such as climate change, polarization, and refugee flows, seem not to exist for a while. During meditation, I build up calm and concentration and connect with myself. But as soon as I am among people again, I notice how difficult it is to maintain this inner peace. Interacting with others simply creates restlessness and a certain degree of stress.
Insight Dialogue is a form of Vipassana meditation, but practiced in interaction with others. The method was developed by the American Gregory Kramer. Instead of only sitting in silence, Insight Dialogue involves sharing your experiences with others while meditating. You practice, as it were, staying in touch with yourself while being in contact with another person. For this reason, it serves as a wonderful bridge and complement to Nonviolent communication and ‘regular’ Mindfulness meditation.
Mindfulness and Individualism
American meditation teacher and Nonviolent Communication trainer Oren Jay Sofer describes in the article ‘The Inherently Relational Nature of Mindfulness’ why he believes Insight Dialogue as a form of meditation fits so well within the current era. According to Sofer, the emphasis that Buddhism seems to place on the importance of solitude, individuality, and non-attachment should primarily be seen in the context of the ancient Indian society in which Buddhism originated. In these ancient communities, family and community ties were so incredibly close that a person’s sense of being an independent individual was easily overshadowed. Emphasizing individual importance thus provided some balance in that context.
In the present day, it is exactly the opposite. The dominant Western culture in which we live places a strong emphasis on the separate, autonomous individual. We are raised with the idea that personal achievements and consumption bring us satisfaction, rather than close relationships. This is supported by consumer-oriented media expressions, and stories and myths about lone heroes who must overcome all kinds of challenges. In this context, it is natural that we consider independence and self-reliance more important than relationships and interdependence.
According to Sofer, there is a danger in this individualistic perspective on Mindfulness. There is a risk that we will use Mindfulness as a means to close ourselves off from the real suffering that millions of people in the world experience daily, and from the damage that our institutions and systems inflict on the lives of people and animals on our planet. In Buddhism, the recognition that we live in a world where our own actions have consequences for ourselves and others, and where we are all interdependent, is precisely the most important starting point for developing wisdom. Insight Dialogue and Nonviolent Communication can be effective ways to further explore this relational component in your meditation practice and in daily life.
More information
Introduction courses are offered in several locations in the Netherlands, and there are Insight Dialogue practice days. More information can be found at: https://www.simsara.nl/insight-dialogue and https://www.amsterdaminzichtmeditatie.nl/wat-is-insight-dialogue/.
Oren Jay Sofer’s article on the relational nature of mindfulness can be found here: https://www.orenjaysofer.com/blog/relationship-and-mindfulness
On the Equanimity website, you will find more information about Nonviolent communication and Mindfulness training.
Photo: Boris Nauta (2004), on the way to Lhasa, Tibet.