“Wake me up when it’s all over,” I read this morning in the colors of the Ukrainian flag on a support pillar of the A1 along the canal, while cycling on my way to Amsterdam. If only it were that simple. That we could wake up one day and all the challenges facing us were suddenly resolved: climate issues, polarization, war, and refugee flows.
Unfortunately, the consequences of our collective way of life do not simply disappear. In fact, they are drawing closer. The question is: what do we do now? Do we place the blame and responsibility on others and continue with business as usual? Or do we dare to accept the discomfort and the unsustainability of the situation and ask ourselves essential questions?
The inward movement
Feeling discomfort and powerlessness is unpleasant. Our unconscious defense mechanisms do their utmost to rid us of these annoying feelings. It is tempting to choose the route of flight (such as continuing to work hard and then going on that well-deserved vacation) or fight (such as calling for harsh sanctions and more money for weapons). However, these mechanisms have a major drawback. We liberate ourselves from our own responsibility, which prevents us from looking at our own perspective for action.
Of course, those who drop bombs are responsible for that. But it does not end there. We all bear individual responsibility for the way we live and the systems we maintain. We cannot separate the war in Ukraine and other contemporary problems, such as the climate crisis and increasing inequality and polarization, from ourselves and the choices we make on a daily basis. Pointing fingers is actually not relevant at all; it does not change the situation. What you do have influence over is yourself. What do you do with your feelings of powerlessness, sadness, and anger? Do you see yourself as someone to whom this situation happens, or as someone who has influence and can change something?
Peace is something you can learn
According to historian David van Reybrouck and psychotherapist Thomas d’Assembourgh, we have created a society in which we compensate for our unease in various ways and manage to distract ourselves. The word peace makes us somewhat giggly and uncomfortable. But war, terrorism, and polarization have brought the longing for peace back to the surface in recent years. And now we stand here, looking around somewhat awkwardly. We want peace, but we do not know how to achieve it. We think that peace falls from the sky, comes from the outside, and that peace depends on political action, economic circumstances, and effective weapon systems.
But peace comes from within. We will never achieve sustainable peace if we do not all take care of our own inner world. Living in peace is not living without conflicts, but rather living with conflicts and managing them effectively, without hatred and violence. Peace is a state of inner tranquility that we can practice so that we can maintain it regardless of the circumstances. The tools to learn this are available, practical, and scientifically grounded: Mindfulness and Nonviolent Communication.
Want to know more?
Read more here about the training offered by Equanimity in the fields of Mindfulness and Nonviolent Communication.
Read the book ‘Peace is something you can learn’ by historian David van Reybrouck and psychotherapist Thomas d’Assembourgh.