“That word ‘Nonviolent’, I don’t know, are we supposed to just be nice to each other all the time or something?”. I often hear a variation of this sentence at the start of a training session at a company or organization. Apparently, the word triggers an allergic reaction in some people. Upon further inquiry, it often turns out to be related to a need for authenticity, self-expression, and openness. As soon as I mention that my favorite book on Nonviolent communication is titled “Stop Being Nice,” the relief among these participants is often palpable.
Partly because of this, the term Connecting Communication is increasingly used, and there is something to be said for that. After all, the term nonviolent primarily says something about what Nonviolent Communication is not, namely communicating with violence, while the term Connecting Communication better describes what it is: communication aimed at connection.
Yet I also attach great value to the use of the term Nonviolent communication. For me, it does justice to the tradition, the spirit, and the activism from which Nonviolent communication emerged, and which inspired Marshall Rosenberg. In essence, the word Nonviolent is not just about physical or verbal aggression, but about something more subtle. Nonviolence refers to an inner attitude of calm, peace, and compassion. First toward ourselves, and from there toward others and the world around us.
Ahimsa: The Origin and Meaning of Nonviolence
Ahimsa, often translated as nonviolence, is an ancient Sanskrit word that literally means “the absence of the desire to cause harm.” Ahimsa is an attitude toward life rooted in compassion, care, and reverence for life. It asks us to do more than just be non-violent: it invites us to actively cultivate a loving and connecting presence.
Within yoga philosophy, Ahimsa forms the foundation of the yamas, the ethical guidelines of yoga, beautifully described by Deborah Adele in The Yamas & Niyamas. Adele emphasizes that all our hopes, joys, and successes are precarious if they are not rooted in nonviolence. Ahimsa is a spiritual ideal but also a very practical guide for how we interact with ourselves, others, and the world.
We often recognize violence in extremes such as war or physical suffering. Yet violence also has subtler forms: haste, harsh judgments, self-criticism, or sharp words. How we treat ourselves is directly reflected in our relationships. Those who are gentle and caring toward themselves can pass that same softness and strength on to others. Ahimsa is an active choice for care, connection, and courage.
From King to Thunberg: Nonviolence as a Force
The power of nonviolence is visible in the great social movements of the last century. Gandhi embodied Ahimsa in his struggle for independence, while Martin Luther King Jr. translated the spirit of nonviolence into social transformation through love and justice. Marshall Rosenberg consciously aligned his work, Nonviolent Communication, with this tradition.
In our time, Greta Thunberg shows how nonviolence can also provide direction for contemporary challenges. Her climate protests and actions against the genocide in Gaza are rooted in nonviolence. She refuses to return hate to critics and chooses instead a voice that is powerful and peaceful at the same time. Greta demonstrates that nonviolence does not mean being silent or passive, but that you can speak for life in all its forms with courage, compassion, and unwavering clarity.
Fear and Courage
A major obstacle to nonviolence is fear. Fear makes us look away, attack, or protect ourselves with walls and possessions. There are two types of fear: the instinctive fear that keeps us alive, and the subtle fear of the unknown that actually prevents us from living fully. When we learn to recognize that second fear as something that exists primarily in our imagination, space for courage and growth emerges.
Nonviolence is therefore first and foremost a personal process. Thomas D’Ansembourg (author of the book ‘Stop Being Nice’) describes this beautifully in his book ‘Peace Can Be Learned’. Cultivating inner courage helps us see nonviolence not as a passive absence, but as an active presence of love, care, and justice. Nonviolence is an invitation to grow toward a way of being and communicating that transcends violence in our words, intentions, and behavior.
Nonviolence in Daily Life
Nonviolence is therefore not just an ideal for spiritual leaders or social movements. It is a daily practice that begins with ourselves:
- Self-care: compassion toward ourselves prevents us from projecting that emptiness onto others.
- Balance: inner peace allows us to remain calm, even in challenging situations.
- Courage: daring to face the unknown opens the way to growth and connection.
- Authentic communication: by speaking honestly and with empathy, we contribute to connection instead of division.
Nonviolence is an invitation to be the best version of ourselves, starting with how we approach ourselves, and it is part of a force that can transform communities and societies. Nonviolence is not the absence of violence, but the presence of courage, compassion, and love. It is a path that reminds us of our collective responsibility: to create a world where care, justice, and connection are central.
Photos: the arrest of Dr. Martin Luther King in Montgomery (Charles Moore, 1958) and that of Greta Thunberg in The Hague (Raymon van Flymen, 2024).