{"id":21747,"date":"2021-07-07T22:50:53","date_gmt":"2021-07-07T20:50:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/boris-gunpowder\/"},"modified":"2026-05-20T14:07:23","modified_gmt":"2026-05-20T12:07:23","slug":"boris-gunpowder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/en\/boris-gunpowder\/","title":{"rendered":"Boris Dynamite"},"content":{"rendered":"<\/p>\n<p>Anger is something I have <a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/en\/i-belong-to-myself-and-therefore-to-everyone\/\">struggled with my entire life.<\/a> As a child, my parents jokingly nicknamed me &#8216;<a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/en\/about-boris-nauta\/\">Boris <\/a>Buskruit&#8217; which means something like &#8216;Boris Dynamite&#8217; in Dutch, because I could become so incredibly angry. One of the favorite stories told about me during tea visits was how, as a four-year-old boy on a cycling holiday, I once bent a tent pole with my small fists, and how everyone at the campsite laughed so hard at the sight. <a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/boek\/constructief-omgaan-met-irritatie-en-boosheid\/\">Anger<\/a> has become something I feel <a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/en\/the-difference-between-shame-and-guilt\/\">ashamed of and guilty<\/a> about. <\/p>\n<p>I always try to be friendly and kind to others. Sometimes it seems as if I can sense exactly what everyone wants. Or am I perhaps just filling in the blanks? In any case, I must be careful not to lose myself while I am so busy satisfying what I assume to be the needs of others. Because if I lose sight of my own needs as a result, those others will naturally be blamed by me at some point. And then I become incredibly angry, and yes, I subsequently feel very ashamed of that again.     <\/p>\n<p>According to psychologist <a href=\"https:\/\/nl.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Daniel_Goleman\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Daniel Goleman<\/a>, author of the <a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/en\/books\/\">book &#8216;Emotional Intelligence<\/a>&#8216;, having and expressing emotions is a natural function of our brain, originally intended to ensure our needs are met. It is therefore healthy to feel emotions, including anger, and it is a relief to be able to express them. For me, it is a liberating thought that we are all the product of an <a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/en\/what-does-the-zebrafish-have-to-do-with-the-human-stress-system\/\">evolutionary development process<\/a> spanning millions of years. It makes me more compassionate toward myself and others when an angry reaction occurs. <a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/en\/about-marshall-rosenberg\/\">Marshall Rosenberg<\/a>, the founder of <a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/en\/what-is-connecting-communication\/\">Nonviolent Communication<\/a>, refers to anger along with shame, guilt, and depression as &#8216;the four friends&#8217; because they provide valuable information about what is apparently important to you. Although everyone &#8216;suffers&#8217; from these emotions at times, we hardly learn anything about them during our upbringing or at school\u2014except, perhaps, that we should suppress them.      <\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/en\/what-is-connecting-communication\/\">Nonviolent Communication<\/a> has provided me with many<a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/en\/dealing-with-anger-and-irritation\/\"> insights and skills<\/a> that benefit me on a daily basis. I can still lash out quite severely at times toward friends, my children, my parents, my partner, <a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/verbindende-communicatie-voor-teams\/\">colleagues<\/a>, or my ex, especially when the pressure or busyness becomes too much. And afterward, I feel terrible. But at the same time, I am glad that I now sense my frustration rising in time in many cases, and that I increasingly make choices that prevent things from escalating that far. And if I do feel irritation or rage building up, I now know ways to calm myself or step out of the situation. When I do release my anger, it increasingly comes out in a way that keeps the damage to the relationship with the other person within limits. I also now have a better understanding of how to deconstruct my anger afterward for myself to understand what it was that truly affected me, and I can explain this to the other person so that reconnection is possible.      <\/p>\n<p>See here which <a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/introductietraining-verbindende-communicatie\/\">training courses<\/a> I offer in the fields of<a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/mindfulness-training\/\"> Mindfulness<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/introductietraining-verbindende-communicatie\/\">Nonviolent Communication<\/a>.<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Anger is something I have struggled with my entire life. As a child, my parents jokingly nicknamed me &#8216;Boris Gunpowder&#8217; because I could become so incredibly angry. Anger has become something I feel ashamed of and guilty about.  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":21748,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"iawp_total_views":3,"footnotes":""},"categories":[79],"tags":[90,93,110,81,112,82],"class_list":["post-21747","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-all-posts","tag-anger","tag-boris-nauta","tag-empathy","tag-home","tag-nonviolent-communication","tag-shame-and-guilt"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.6 (Yoast SEO v27.6) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Boris Dynamite - Equanimity<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/equanimity.nu\/en\/boris-gunpowder\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Boris Dynamite\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Anger is something I have struggled with my entire life. 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